It is not your fault


You left your phone in the car, so he broke it. It is not your fault. You ate a cheeseburger, so he called you fat. It is not your fault. You hung out with your friends, so he ignored you for two days. It is not your fault. It will never be your fault.

  The truth is, until someone understands that they are not to blame for the abuse in their relationship, it will never get better. Abusive relationships tend to go unnoticed; the victim hides in fear, loneliness, and desperation. The victim longs for someone to see, feel, and understand her pain, but nobody does. The victim gets weak, she falls into the idea that this is her fault. She feels that she is the one to blame for all the mistreatment she has been enduring.

  Typically, abusers strike fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation into their partner to hypnotize them into thinking that this treatment is okay. Unfortunately, many girls do not understand why or how they are being abused, some do not even realize they are being abused at all.  

  She constantly feels afraid, wondering if tonight will be her last night. She lies in bed feeling no shame, no hope, no true feeling for the world around her. Everyday she wakes up wondering if she changes maybe the abuse will stop.

  The question is, what makes getting out of these relationships so hard? Generally, abusive partners have emotional issues. They have an uncontrollable temper and threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them. They guilt you into staying and trick you into thinking that leaving is wrong.

  The first step to getting out of an abusive relationship is recognizing the signs. Before someone can completely leave the situation they are in, they have to understand the severity of it. The victim shouldn’t announce to their partner that they are leaving them because it will only make the abuser more angry and more likely to lash out. Instead, the victim should bring it someone trustworthy. Someone who won’t intimidate, harm, or yell at the abuser. They need to go to someone who will keep them safe and also, disengage themselves. Do not give in to his arguments, just ignore him and brush it off. His words are just words. Lastly, the victim needs to understand that this is not their fault.

  People are made the way they are for a reason, there is nothing they can do about it. People in abusive relationships need to accept that they are better than this, they can rise above this person who is fixated on hurting them.

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